Totally moved my blog.
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| Check out my bitchin bracelet. Yeeaaahhhh. |
Exported Voracious Vividity over to:
cszinegh.wordpress.com
So go there now! W00t!
15.7.13
11.7.13
Sloshing Through The Wetlands - Chapter 1
So, my wonderful and disgusting friend Sebastian introduced me to this:
Then we get a lovely description of how some of the hemorrhoids have worked their way out to surround her asshole. Her doctor calls it cauliflower.
If you're feeling like your morbid curiosity isn't satisfied here, just google cauliflower ass. Go ahead, I'll wait. You'll be so glad that you did.
Helen goes on to talk about how she loves anal, so she's had to train herself to relax so as to loosen up the affected area for sex. Then we get into the shaving. She shaves her pussy, legs, armpits, and the top of her feet, and also plucks her upper lip.
Helen goes on to describe how she positions herself in the mirror to study her asshole every day, and also uses this technique to shave it. She talks about how she's conflicted about shaving, because she used to be totally fine just being hairy all the time. For the people that have ranted and raved about how this is an extremely feminist book, this is one of those instances where I'll agree. I personally shave certain parts of my body because I like the way it feels and looks. When I am too lazy to shave my legs, or it's winter and I want that extra layer of warmth, I don't. And I don't particularly care what other people view it as. It's my body, and if I want smooth legs I'll fucking shave them. I like how Helen can say that she was totally comfortable with her body hair. Now she shaves everything because she's addicted to it.
So at this point we learn that the setting of the book is in a hospital room, where she's laid up because she has an anal lesion. She tells us that a lesion is a 'hairline rip of cut in the skin of your rosette'. And it got infected, because it's an open wound on an asshole, which means abscessed.
Also the hemorrhoids are pushing against it, ripping it further open and making it hurt a lot. She says it hurts even more than when she accidentally ripped out her nipple ring pulling off a sweater (OW), also that's why her nipple looks like a snake's tongue now (EW).
The proctologist, Dr. Notz, comes in and jams his finger up in Helen's ass to check it out. He asks her if she's had anything to eat, and she says no, which is good because then she can be knocked out for the surgery that needs to take place immediately. She asks him exactly what they're going to do, and he tells her they'll be cutting a wedge-shaped incision, and she wants him to draw a diagram.
The doc is weirded out by this (aren't we all?), but he draws a circle with a triangular wedge cut out. She doesn't feel any better informed, and makes an internal comment about his artistic talent, then asks if they'll be cutting out the cauliflower too. He tells her yes, and then:
She asks the sandman if it would be okay for her to see the piece that they cut out after the surgery is over.
But holding the chunk of abscessed anal cauliflower that got removed from your ass? I've never been in that situation, but I really don't feel like I'd want to examine that too closely. I don't know for sure... but ew. Props to Helen for being brave enough to ask, though. The sandman seems totally fine with this, and preps a catheter for where they'll be pumping the anesthesia.
He leaves her, and while she's waiting for a nurse to come take her to surgery, she continues to pray to 'nonexistent God' to keep her from having anal incontinence. She says that if she gets out okay, she'll stop doing all of the things that give her a bad conscience.
This is a turning point in the reader's view of Helen because it's the first time she confesses to doing something pretty horrible. Up until now, yes she does some weird things, but to herself. This is where we learn that her and her best friend get drunk and break other people's things. It's pretty shitty, and I felt like she was being really casual about it.
Wetlands Schedule
I'm going to try to do these once a week, between Tuesdays and Thursdays sometime because those are my days off. But, I may get excited and decide to do one before then, if I have time in the evenings over the weekend. So we'll see. In between I'll likely blog about other stuff that doesn't require so much reading and research, but I'm going to keep a loose leash on this one. At the very least, you'll have chapter two by next Thursday.
And I won't blame you if you have to go out and buy this book now. Morbid curiosity is a devilish thing. ;P
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| Delicious. www.amazon.ca This is the North American cover. The German one is an avocado, which is honestly more gross than an armpit once you know the context. |
Actually, he just started randomly telling me about this German novel that actually made him cringe because there were so many parts that were hilariously gross. And because we are kindred spirits in the sense that we thing gross things are funny... well, my morbid curiosity was piqued. To my delight, I discovered that it had been translated into English and wandered down to Reflections to get a copy ordered. I'm willing to bet that the wonderful ladies down there wish that they didn't know that I wanted to read this. ^_^'
For those of you who know me, you know my sense of humour. It doesn't really know a lot of boundaries. Not much of my personality really knows a lot of boundaries, for that matter. I must give this book props, because there were parts that actually made me uncomfortable. That is a definite win. After reading, I wanted to share it with everyone, while simultaneously protect everyone from it, because ew.
Of course, sharing it won out. And I'd like to share it the best way I know how, by blogging it chapter by chapter. Because ew. :) And you're welcome.
So without further ado, I introduce you to Wetlands, by the very interesting Charlotte Roche. (P.S. Everywhere that talks about this book says that is is partially-autobiographical. Not sure how much of it is, but keep this in mind as we go. Or don't.)
Wetlands - Chapter 1
As far back as I can remember, I've had hemorrhoids.
This has got to be one of the greatest opening lines in a book ever. Talk about a hook! The book is written in the first person, and in a very blunt way. The main character, Helen, is very uninhibited and crass, and completely shameless about everything she says. I absolutely love this style of writing, because it feels like a real person is talking to you.
[...] I would scratch at my butthole in my sleep so much that I'd wake up in the morning with a brown stain in my underwear the size of the top of a cork. That's how much it itched, and that's how deep I'd stick my finger in. So yes, I'd say it's very unladylike.She spends the first two pages describing her hemorrhoids and how she'd ignored them for many years for fear of someone finding out. She talks about what treatments she's had, and what salve she had to stop the itching. I'm not even joking.
Then we get a lovely description of how some of the hemorrhoids have worked their way out to surround her asshole. Her doctor calls it cauliflower.
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| Like this, but on an asshole. |
It's also a good way to test whether someone is serious about me. During one of the first few times I have sex with somebody new, I get us into my favourite position: doggy-style, me on all fours with my face down, him behind me with his tongue in my pussy and his nose in my ass. He's got to work his way in there, because the hole is covered with the vegetable. I call this position "stuff your face," and so far nobody has complained.After cringing at the visual of this, I have to say there's actually a good theme in this passage. In general, it says that to be with someone, you have to love everything about them, the good and the bad. That includes cauliflower ass.
Helen goes on to talk about how she loves anal, so she's had to train herself to relax so as to loosen up the affected area for sex. Then we get into the shaving. She shaves her pussy, legs, armpits, and the top of her feet, and also plucks her upper lip.
Back to shaving my ass.Roche does a lot of this in the narrative, which makes me laugh my ass of every time. "Back to-", and it's always something very blunt. It's not the best grammar, but in a story told by an eighteen year old (yes, Helen is only eighteen) girl, it's believable and hilarious.
Helen goes on to describe how she positions herself in the mirror to study her asshole every day, and also uses this technique to shave it. She talks about how she's conflicted about shaving, because she used to be totally fine just being hairy all the time. For the people that have ranted and raved about how this is an extremely feminist book, this is one of those instances where I'll agree. I personally shave certain parts of my body because I like the way it feels and looks. When I am too lazy to shave my legs, or it's winter and I want that extra layer of warmth, I don't. And I don't particularly care what other people view it as. It's my body, and if I want smooth legs I'll fucking shave them. I like how Helen can say that she was totally comfortable with her body hair. Now she shaves everything because she's addicted to it.
[...] I always rush it and end up pressing too hard. Which is exactly how I caused the anal lesion that's the reason I'm lying here in the hospital now. Blame it all on lady-shaving. Feel like Venus. Be a goddess.Also this bitch is so witty. It was at this point (by the way, we're only on page three) that I decided that I liked this character a lot. She's nasty, but she's comfortable with who she is, and she's funny as fuck.
So at this point we learn that the setting of the book is in a hospital room, where she's laid up because she has an anal lesion. She tells us that a lesion is a 'hairline rip of cut in the skin of your rosette'. And it got infected, because it's an open wound on an asshole, which means abscessed.
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| I feel like 'rosette' is not the best term for asshole. On a side note, those cupcakes look delicious. www.anoregoncottage.com |
Also the hemorrhoids are pushing against it, ripping it further open and making it hurt a lot. She says it hurts even more than when she accidentally ripped out her nipple ring pulling off a sweater (OW), also that's why her nipple looks like a snake's tongue now (EW).
Back to my bum.Tee hee! Anyway, she left school to go to the hospital and ended up in what she calls the "ass unit". She talks about how she's not allowed to move, and has to lay on the bed with her ass exposed towards the door so that everyone that comes in can see what's up.
And they talk about pus and an engorged blister that's hanging out of the wound on my butthole. I picture the blister like the skin on the neck of one of those tropical birds that puffs its throat out when trying to mate. A shimmering, inflated, red-blue sac.I have to point out that the imagery here is written beautifully.
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| AHHHH IMAGINE THAT ON YOUR ASSHOLE!!! NOOOOOO! thesundaytimes.co.uk |
The doc is weirded out by this (aren't we all?), but he draws a circle with a triangular wedge cut out. She doesn't feel any better informed, and makes an internal comment about his artistic talent, then asks if they'll be cutting out the cauliflower too. He tells her yes, and then:
He walks out, leaving me lying in the puddle of water from the blister.Delicious. The anesthesiologist comes in, makes sure she's eighteen, and tells her how he'll be sitting by her head the entire operation to make sure she's breathing. She feels bad for him because his job is to squat the whole time.
He's brought a contract that I'm supposed to sign. It says the operation could result in incontinence. I ask how it could affect my pissing. He grins and says this refers to anal incontinence. Never heard of it. But suddenly I realize what this means: "You mean I might lose control of my sphincter muscles and then I could just crap myself anytime and anyplace and would need a diaper and stink all the time?"The 'sandman', as she calls the anesthesiologist, tells her that that rarely happens, so she signs the contract. Helen prays to god that it won't happen, that she won't have to wear a diaper at age eighteen.
And you certainly don't look cool in them.LOL.
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| I literally googled "looking cool in adult diapers" and got this. www.foxnews.com |
"I don't like the idea that a part of me could end up in the trash along with aborted fetuses and appendixes without my being able to picture it. I want to hold it in my hand and examine it."Okay, I get checking shit out on your body. Everyone does it. Everyone picks at stuff on their skin, peeks into the toilet after taking a shit, looks at the q-tip after cleaning their ears, all of that crap. Anyone who says they don't is a liar. We, as humans, are obsessed with our own bodies, because these are our vessels and we can check them out as much as we want.
But holding the chunk of abscessed anal cauliflower that got removed from your ass? I've never been in that situation, but I really don't feel like I'd want to examine that too closely. I don't know for sure... but ew. Props to Helen for being brave enough to ask, though. The sandman seems totally fine with this, and preps a catheter for where they'll be pumping the anesthesia.
He leaves her, and while she's waiting for a nurse to come take her to surgery, she continues to pray to 'nonexistent God' to keep her from having anal incontinence. She says that if she gets out okay, she'll stop doing all of the things that give her a bad conscience.
Like the game I play with my friend Corinna where we run through the city drunk and grab people's eyeglasses, break them, and then chuck them into the street.That's not very nice, Helen. She reflects that they had to run away quickly, because people were so pissed off that they could chase them pretty well even without their glasses. She goes on to say that the game is stupid anyway because they sober up from all of the adrenaline and it's just a big waste of money.
This is a turning point in the reader's view of Helen because it's the first time she confesses to doing something pretty horrible. Up until now, yes she does some weird things, but to herself. This is where we learn that her and her best friend get drunk and break other people's things. It's pretty shitty, and I felt like she was being really casual about it.
Actually, I'd like to give up that game anyway- sometimes at night I dream of the faces of the people whose glasses we've just plucked off. It's as if we've ripped off a body part.But then she examines it, addresses it, and reflects on how it affected the people they did it to. Which shows some growth and maturity. Which, you know, is good. Anyway, she decides to give that game up immediately, and tries to think of other things she can pledge to give up.
Maybe if it's absolutely necessary I'll give up the hookers. That would be a major sacrifice, though.There's no more explanation of this here, but you just wait for it. Helen decides instead that she's going to be the best patient the hospital has ever had.
I'll clean up my own messes. Like the fluid from my blister.She peeks around the room to see that there are rubber gloves, and a container full of wipes, diapers, disposable underwear, toweling, and plastic bed covers with cloth on one side. She puts one cloth side down to soak up the mess, and one on top cloth side up so that she's comfortable.
Well done, Helen. Despite the hellish pain, you are your own best nurse. Anyone who can take care of herself so well with definitely recuperate quickly. I'll have to be a bit more hygienic here in the hospital than I am outside in my normal life.Thus ends chapter 1, with a wonderful segue into chapter 2. I won't spoil the opening line of the next chapter, but I think you can guess where this is going.
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| Let's just say this entire dog is cleaner than Helen's vagina. www.dogz.in |
Wetlands Schedule
I'm going to try to do these once a week, between Tuesdays and Thursdays sometime because those are my days off. But, I may get excited and decide to do one before then, if I have time in the evenings over the weekend. So we'll see. In between I'll likely blog about other stuff that doesn't require so much reading and research, but I'm going to keep a loose leash on this one. At the very least, you'll have chapter two by next Thursday.
And I won't blame you if you have to go out and buy this book now. Morbid curiosity is a devilish thing. ;P
Gonna Eat Me A Lotta Peaches
I know I totally said that my regular blogging activities would resume on Tuesday, and that it is now Thursday. My bad. Better late than never, though, right? :) It's been a little crazy the last few weeks, working lots, moving, and getting ready for tomorrow's gig. Super exciting time! Our move was a very long two days but we made it through, and the new place is really coming together. Also we're just super gay and happy all the time because living together kicks ASS. :)
It's like a little nerd cave in here. We have wayyyyy too many books. Except there's no such thing as too many books. We had just enough shelving for them all, like almost exactly. And then the Bookery has this buy 3 get 1 free sale... and yeah, now we don't have enough room. Also it's not like we're never going to buy more, seriously we need stuff to read, yo!
So yeah, after we're properly settled, I have a bitchin' work shift now which will allow me a nice chunk of time each week to work on writing and blogging. Also yay, a functioning office! It's not together yet, and will totally also have exercise equipment in it, but yay, functioning office! I spent a lot of time laying in bed with my laptop and it is so bad for the body. :P
Also, gigging! For the first time in a long time, dad and I will be returning to the ears of innocent bystanders. This time, instead of plaguing the internet, we'll be plaguing downtown Elora from the patio at Wreckless Eric. Mike is calling us 'Get Wrecked', which is fucking awesome. Our first is tomorrow, and then we'll be playing every Friday there at 7:00. Which is going to be fun as hell. Simultaneously, absolutely terrifying. Whee!
Anyway I just thought I'd toss in a little life update for y'all before I jump into my new series of posts which I just know everyone is going to love. Or love to hate. ^_^'
Also I totes made peach jam yesterday and Imma eat some before I start. You may want to eat first, too. Not sure if you want to be ingesting anything during this next post.
It's great to be back! W00t!
14.6.13
Releasing The Beast
So my man and I went to see the Purge. As far as your run of the mill horror movies go, it was mostly predictable and shitty. I don't recommend watching it until it's on TMN or something, or however it is that you kids watch free movies nowadays.
That being said, the reason we went to see it is because the idea behind it is fascinating. The basics, for those of you who haven't seen the trailer, is that in America, once a year for twelve hours, nothing is illegal. So from 7pm to 7am once a year, you can kill, loot, burn, rape, whatever it is that you want to do, and there are no police or emergency services available to anyone. For the rest of the year, life goes on, and there is no crime and unemployment is at like 1%.
Spoilers ahead, although the movie is so fucking predictable that I don't think it would really ruin anything.
This is such an interesting plot that of course my interest was piqued. The movie disappointed, but it did spark my boyfriend and I talking about it for about two days straight. So kudos to whoever thought of the concept, but the movie was lacking in the sense that it was only about one family in a house and didn't address any bigger issues.
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| Also this bitch was in it and even though she was one of the 'good guys', I still hated her the entire time. Which made me realize she's a really amazing actress. Because I will hate her forever. |
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| Seriously, this guy's face is fucking SCARY. www.onsecrethunt.com |
The family decides to find this guy that's hiding in their house and give him up to save themselves. See, he's middle class, so he's meant to be killed during the purge. The killers outside even refer to him as 'swine'. When they finally do catch him, they realize that it's not right to give him up, and decide to fight instead. There's a lot of slasher shit, the kids are annoying and retarded, some horribly predictable action, a not-too-believable betrayal by the neighbours, and then the Purge ends.
And that's the movie. I'm pretty sure by the end of it this family wanted to move to Canada.
The only really thought provoking scene in the movie is when the little boy asks his parents why they don't go out and kill people. They respond that they don't feel the need to. He doesn't understand why they can be well adjusted moral human beings without killing once a year, while other people do have to. This, to me, is the most fucked up part of the Purge. The people that participate seriously believe that it's their 'god-given right' to Purge their souls, that they are entitled to it. But the mere fact that some people don't need to do it to be normal (aka not serial killers), means that the people that are 'purging' are still fucking psychopaths.
The whole idea that humans have this beast inside them that needs to kill in order for them to be functioning members of society? I don't buy it. People that have a 'beast' that makes them want to torture and kill? They're not good people. And in the universe of this movie, at any moment on the bus, at the grocery store, at the bar, you could be standing next to someone that has maimed people. That is, in my mind, so unacceptable I can't even fully wrap my head around it.
Now, the reason why the Purge exists is never actually addressed. Some of the characters talk about how it Purges their soul, so it's almost seen as a religious thing, but I doubt that the church was what started it. My theory is that the American government wanted some population control, and what easier way to deal with it than to let people kill each other? The reason why there is no unemployment is because the unemployed get killed during the Purge. Only the rich can properly protect themselves with their fancy security systems. Thus all of the homeless people hiding in dumpsters get killed by the crazies out for blood.
Or at least most of them. And then what about us run-of-the-mill middle class people? If there were a Purge in Canada right now, I'd be fucked. We'd have to barricade the windows and doors with two by fours or something. Even then someone could still burn it down. I think the best way to do it would be to get the hell out of the country for a few days and hope that my house was still there when I got back. Or just head up north to the wilderness and keep moving until the twelve hours was up.
It's a chilling thought. I live in a small town, and my boyfriend and I were sitting there calculating how many people we think would actually participate in something like that. It's hard to tell what people's deep rooted fantasies and needs are, and most people probably wouldn't even know it was there until law was completely lifted. People can get crazy in crazy situations.
The other thing that wasn't addressed was everything other than murder. What about the people that don't want to kill, they just want to have some fun vandalizing or stealing stuff? What about all of the businesses? Would they have the money to barricade up their stores, or put all of their products in storage? Insurance must be super expensive and hard to get in this universe, or maybe insurance doesn't cover anything within the twelve hours of the purge. I seriously would not want to be a store owner in this movie.
But that's another question entirely. If middle class people and lower keep getting killed, gas stations blown up, grocery stores looted or burned to the ground, who the hell takes care of the rich people for the rest of the year? I mean obviously not everyone in the country is going to get killed, but how many places do you think are closed the next day due to it's owners dying or the buildings getting fucked up? "Ah, another purge done, let's go grab a Frappucino!" Whoops, Starbucks is closed because all of the people that worked there got killed last night. And none of these rich people would be caught dead working there, and there are no teenagers around trying to save up money for university, so no more Starbucks.
Honestly that wouldn't be such a bad thing. I make a way better frappe then them anyway. But you see my point.
My boyfriend brought up a good point about the jail system, too. If there's no law, do the doors open and all of the criminals get to go free? Or, during the first purge, did all of the wardens walk around killing every single inmate? Are there even jails anymore? If everyone waits until the purge to commit crimes, would there even be anyone in jail anyway? I guess you'd still have people that want to break the law during the rest of the year, but I doubt that we would have a ton of people occupying jail cells in that universe. And every year, they'd either get to run amuck or get killed by other inmates or the wardens, so they'd likely be fairly empty.
So in conclusion... I guess I don't really have a conclusion. I just wanted to talk about some of the things that I thought about during and after watching this movie. If you have any, I'd love to discuss them, it's such a fascinating idea. And scary, because things like this sometimes almost seem plausible to happen. Horrible things happen every day all around the world, and I try not to put things like this past people.
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| I am seriously stoked for people to start writing fanfiction about this! Go! |
5.6.13
Jealousy Is Not A Fish You Should Catch
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27.5.13
A Dyslexic Man Walks Into A Bra
As a writer, or creator of anything, sometimes you just get stuck, or you don't know how to start. I had to rewrite that sentence eight times before I got it right, so there's a good example. It's not easy to make stuff up, even if you have an overactive imagination and a million ideas, sometimes nothing wants to come out of your head. Or at least, not in the way that you want it to.
I've dealt with this a lot in my life. When I was about seven years old, I was convinced that I would be a bestselling author by fifteen. When I hit fifteen, I thought eighteen. Eighteen came, and I thought twenty, twenty would be the year. Now I'm twenty six, and still not there. Thus, I have had some pretty epic bouts of writer's block. And will have more in the future. Some people would call it procrastination, and sometimes they may be right. But creative endeavours can't be forced, otherwise they come out sounding forced.
I've learned a few ways to help this problem, that work for me. These would work for any kind of creative outlet, like music or art. Well they work for me, anyway, so if you've got blockage and you're stuck give them a try. Four out of five doctors don't know me so they can't recommend shit.
(Speaking of shit, I spent about twenty minutes before this blog post reading synonymous phrases for pooping... you have been warned.)
Pinching a Brain-Loaf Tip #1: Make Time
"I don't have enough TIME!" It's one of the oldest excuses in the book (), I know, because I'm guilty of it too. Sometimes life gets really busy, and you feel like you never have any time to sit down and write. But there is always some time. Even if you can only squeeze in fifteen minutes a day, and even if you spend it staring at a blank page, at least you're trying. A lot can be accomplished in fifteen minutes, whether you think it can or not.
Of course this can backfire, in case you get on a roll and lose track and write half a novel and miss the next 24 hours. But at least you accomplished what you sat down to do!
This tip is the most important, because it lets your brain know that at least once a day it's writing time. It gets your mind into a routine, and might start the flow on those creative juices more often because you're twisting the nozzle a little each time. There are so many things wrong with that metaphor, I can't even begin to list them.
Birthing a Chocolate Brain Dragon Tip #2: Read Awesome Books
This is usually the one that gets my fingers itching for the keyboard. Everyone gets inspired by something, and I find that my writing brain explodes when I read certain books. My #1 go-to is The Gunslinger by Stephen King, although that's a dangerous one because then I end up having to read all seven Dark Tower books before I even have a chance to write. Because Dark Tower.
If you don't want to get sucked into a series or too long of a novel and just need a little dose of story goodness, try a short story compilation or articles on writing. I love reading author blogs, because they are usually blogging about how excited they are about their writing, and it gets me excited too.
If I'm going for a certain genre, I find reading really good books in that genre will get my blood pumping faster with creative bugs. I started my sci-fi epic because I was deep in Revelation Space by Alastair Reynolds. Not only did the story blow my mind, but it was so beautifully written that I just wanted to know what it was like to be immersed in my own heavy science fiction writing action.
The flip side to this is to read a really shitty book. If it sucks the big one, it may make you angry enough that it exists that you'll be inspired to write something better. I've seen this happen firsthand, with The Boss. I hate 50 Shades of Grey, but if it didn't exist, I would have never found Jenny Trout and her amazing serial novel.
Dropping the Brain Kids off at the Pool Tip #3: Bounce Ideas Off People
I just pictured writing an idea on paper, crumpling it into a ball, and physically bouncing it off of someone, and I laughed.
Anyway, getting together with a friend, spouse, cousin, or even a total stranger, and talking about your ideas can often help. Or even if you don't tell them that you're stuck, you just kind of steer conversation onto something similar to what you're writing, something might click in your head when something is said. Tee hee, accidental rhyming.
What I like to do sometimes is play the if game. I'll just randomly ask one of my friends "Hey, if you were in [situation] and [stuff] happened, what would you do?". And see where they roll with it. If you don't have cool enough friends for that, throw it up on Twitter or Facebook or a forum somewhere. Or in my comments. I love questions like that. :)
Speaking of forums, the internet is a great place to find like-minded people that have had the same blockage problems as you. These are great people to bounce ideas with because they have ideas they want bounced too. It's an idea-bounce-a-palooza! I suck at inventing words.
I've thought of a more intense variation of the idea bouncing tip, but it's one I've never tried. If anyone has, let me know how it works out, because I feel like it would really work if you had people that would be willing to help you out. If you're stuck in the middle of a story, get some people (actors?) together and roleplay it. Of course for certain stories you may have to really play pretend, but I feel like if you had serious people that could put themselves in the moment, magic could happen here. If they really get in character and kind of take the scene away... could you imagine? That would be sweet! Improv, anyone?
Releasing the Brain Trout Tip #4: Pay Attention
Depending on what you're writing, everyday life could blurt something out right in your face that you can use. For example, if you're writing a story that centres around a character that works in a restaurant, go to a restaurant and drink in the surroundings. You never know what you might see, or what might jog something in your mind.
Even if the main location in your book isn't attainable in real life, just watching people interact in public may help you get to know your characters better. I often see my characters in other people. That's actually how I got my book cover for Silent Pictures, by seeing a temp at work that looked exactly like the Sandy-Haired Man. It was a totally awkward introduction on my part, but I had to talk to the guy because it was just awesome that I was looking at the living incarnate of one of my characters.
So next time you're hanging out in a coffee shop or trolling the mall, watch people and their interactions, and you might see something that you can use.
Pissing out your Brain-Ass Tip #5: Ask For Help
That one was really gross, LOL!
This tip is similar to #3, except you literally ask someone to help you out. You lay out what you're stuck on, and they help you brainstorm. Now, you need to make sure that they're totally okay giving you ideas, fully knowing that you might use them. If they're like "I can't believe I thought of that, I'm going to do something with it!" don't steal it, because it's not yours. I feel like I shouldn't have to say 'don't be a dick', but at this point random people are reading my blog that I don't know, and they may be dicks. I don't want to be responsible for that, so disclaimer: don't be an asshole!
Anyway, if you know somebody that is totally cool handing out ideas and helping you brainstorm, ask them for help! My boyfriend used his amazingly creative and witty brain to channel my current main character and come up with a name for her, because I couldn't for the life of me think of one. It was awesome. It's hard to come up with things sometimes, and if you're really stuck, just sitting back and asking someone else to take a look at it can make all the difference. They can give you a fresh perspective.
Fighting Brain Splashback Tip #7: Write Something Else
I know that there's always that main story idea that is your baby and you just want so badly for it to come into existence, but sometimes is just hasn't percolated enough to be poured. I think I should get my guy to come up with my metaphors, too. *facepalm*
Anyway, if you're having trouble writing your main event, try writing something totally different. At least you're still writing, right? (Write? Har har, I know I'm a terrible person.) In the spirit of Tip #1, you're training your brain to be in writing mode, even if you're writing something else. At least you're creating something, whether it's useful or not.
Questioning usefulness is a great segue towards mentioning my blog. I may not always post things that are technically useful (see: my post about cocks), but at least I'm writing. It's good exercise for your brain, and it also dumps out some ideas or information that may be taking up the space that should be designated to your bestselling novel. There is absolutely no scientific study to back up that claim, but it's a fun theory, no?
Sometimes I like to take a character out of a story and write a little short story or scene placing them in a totally different situation, or a part of their past. This is extra helpful because you might learn something new about that character that can be relevant to your main story. And it helps you get further into that character's head, learn their reactions, and be able to write them more efficiently.
So whether it's starting a blog, writing a short story, poem, or an article about genitals, writing is writing, and at least you're being (somewhat) productive.
Soaking a Brain Cigar Tip #7: Do Something Else
If you've tried all of these things and somehow are still maniacally staring at a blank page, get the fuck up and do something completely different. Sometimes you just need to unplug and relax. Try doing something that you've never done before, like this one time I had writer's block so bad that I went for a jog. It didn't really fix my writer's block, but I learned that I hate jogging. But it dislodged the idea that if I write outside, I can smoke at the same time, thus eliminating smoke breaks, so yay!
In any case, taking a break from furiously willing words to appear on your screen (or paper, some people actually still use paper) might recharge your batteries enough to give your ideas a fresh start.
In Conclusion...
I hope these ideas help. Or at least, if they don't, that you were entertained by them. I know I was. In case you didn't know, I love shit synonyms.
I've dealt with this a lot in my life. When I was about seven years old, I was convinced that I would be a bestselling author by fifteen. When I hit fifteen, I thought eighteen. Eighteen came, and I thought twenty, twenty would be the year. Now I'm twenty six, and still not there. Thus, I have had some pretty epic bouts of writer's block. And will have more in the future. Some people would call it procrastination, and sometimes they may be right. But creative endeavours can't be forced, otherwise they come out sounding forced.
I've learned a few ways to help this problem, that work for me. These would work for any kind of creative outlet, like music or art. Well they work for me, anyway, so if you've got blockage and you're stuck give them a try. Four out of five doctors don't know me so they can't recommend shit.
(Speaking of shit, I spent about twenty minutes before this blog post reading synonymous phrases for pooping... you have been warned.)
Pinching a Brain-Loaf Tip #1: Make Time
"I don't have enough TIME!" It's one of the oldest excuses in the book (), I know, because I'm guilty of it too. Sometimes life gets really busy, and you feel like you never have any time to sit down and write. But there is always some time. Even if you can only squeeze in fifteen minutes a day, and even if you spend it staring at a blank page, at least you're trying. A lot can be accomplished in fifteen minutes, whether you think it can or not.
Of course this can backfire, in case you get on a roll and lose track and write half a novel and miss the next 24 hours. But at least you accomplished what you sat down to do!
This tip is the most important, because it lets your brain know that at least once a day it's writing time. It gets your mind into a routine, and might start the flow on those creative juices more often because you're twisting the nozzle a little each time. There are so many things wrong with that metaphor, I can't even begin to list them.
Birthing a Chocolate Brain Dragon Tip #2: Read Awesome Books
This is usually the one that gets my fingers itching for the keyboard. Everyone gets inspired by something, and I find that my writing brain explodes when I read certain books. My #1 go-to is The Gunslinger by Stephen King, although that's a dangerous one because then I end up having to read all seven Dark Tower books before I even have a chance to write. Because Dark Tower.
If you don't want to get sucked into a series or too long of a novel and just need a little dose of story goodness, try a short story compilation or articles on writing. I love reading author blogs, because they are usually blogging about how excited they are about their writing, and it gets me excited too.
If I'm going for a certain genre, I find reading really good books in that genre will get my blood pumping faster with creative bugs. I started my sci-fi epic because I was deep in Revelation Space by Alastair Reynolds. Not only did the story blow my mind, but it was so beautifully written that I just wanted to know what it was like to be immersed in my own heavy science fiction writing action.
The flip side to this is to read a really shitty book. If it sucks the big one, it may make you angry enough that it exists that you'll be inspired to write something better. I've seen this happen firsthand, with The Boss. I hate 50 Shades of Grey, but if it didn't exist, I would have never found Jenny Trout and her amazing serial novel.
Dropping the Brain Kids off at the Pool Tip #3: Bounce Ideas Off People
I just pictured writing an idea on paper, crumpling it into a ball, and physically bouncing it off of someone, and I laughed.
Anyway, getting together with a friend, spouse, cousin, or even a total stranger, and talking about your ideas can often help. Or even if you don't tell them that you're stuck, you just kind of steer conversation onto something similar to what you're writing, something might click in your head when something is said. Tee hee, accidental rhyming.
What I like to do sometimes is play the if game. I'll just randomly ask one of my friends "Hey, if you were in [situation] and [stuff] happened, what would you do?". And see where they roll with it. If you don't have cool enough friends for that, throw it up on Twitter or Facebook or a forum somewhere. Or in my comments. I love questions like that. :)
Speaking of forums, the internet is a great place to find like-minded people that have had the same blockage problems as you. These are great people to bounce ideas with because they have ideas they want bounced too. It's an idea-bounce-a-palooza! I suck at inventing words.
I've thought of a more intense variation of the idea bouncing tip, but it's one I've never tried. If anyone has, let me know how it works out, because I feel like it would really work if you had people that would be willing to help you out. If you're stuck in the middle of a story, get some people (actors?) together and roleplay it. Of course for certain stories you may have to really play pretend, but I feel like if you had serious people that could put themselves in the moment, magic could happen here. If they really get in character and kind of take the scene away... could you imagine? That would be sweet! Improv, anyone?
Releasing the Brain Trout Tip #4: Pay Attention
Depending on what you're writing, everyday life could blurt something out right in your face that you can use. For example, if you're writing a story that centres around a character that works in a restaurant, go to a restaurant and drink in the surroundings. You never know what you might see, or what might jog something in your mind.
Even if the main location in your book isn't attainable in real life, just watching people interact in public may help you get to know your characters better. I often see my characters in other people. That's actually how I got my book cover for Silent Pictures, by seeing a temp at work that looked exactly like the Sandy-Haired Man. It was a totally awkward introduction on my part, but I had to talk to the guy because it was just awesome that I was looking at the living incarnate of one of my characters.
So next time you're hanging out in a coffee shop or trolling the mall, watch people and their interactions, and you might see something that you can use.
Pissing out your Brain-Ass Tip #5: Ask For Help
That one was really gross, LOL!
This tip is similar to #3, except you literally ask someone to help you out. You lay out what you're stuck on, and they help you brainstorm. Now, you need to make sure that they're totally okay giving you ideas, fully knowing that you might use them. If they're like "I can't believe I thought of that, I'm going to do something with it!" don't steal it, because it's not yours. I feel like I shouldn't have to say 'don't be a dick', but at this point random people are reading my blog that I don't know, and they may be dicks. I don't want to be responsible for that, so disclaimer: don't be an asshole!
Anyway, if you know somebody that is totally cool handing out ideas and helping you brainstorm, ask them for help! My boyfriend used his amazingly creative and witty brain to channel my current main character and come up with a name for her, because I couldn't for the life of me think of one. It was awesome. It's hard to come up with things sometimes, and if you're really stuck, just sitting back and asking someone else to take a look at it can make all the difference. They can give you a fresh perspective.
Fighting Brain Splashback Tip #7: Write Something Else
I know that there's always that main story idea that is your baby and you just want so badly for it to come into existence, but sometimes is just hasn't percolated enough to be poured. I think I should get my guy to come up with my metaphors, too. *facepalm*
Anyway, if you're having trouble writing your main event, try writing something totally different. At least you're still writing, right? (Write? Har har, I know I'm a terrible person.) In the spirit of Tip #1, you're training your brain to be in writing mode, even if you're writing something else. At least you're creating something, whether it's useful or not.
Questioning usefulness is a great segue towards mentioning my blog. I may not always post things that are technically useful (see: my post about cocks), but at least I'm writing. It's good exercise for your brain, and it also dumps out some ideas or information that may be taking up the space that should be designated to your bestselling novel. There is absolutely no scientific study to back up that claim, but it's a fun theory, no?
Sometimes I like to take a character out of a story and write a little short story or scene placing them in a totally different situation, or a part of their past. This is extra helpful because you might learn something new about that character that can be relevant to your main story. And it helps you get further into that character's head, learn their reactions, and be able to write them more efficiently.
So whether it's starting a blog, writing a short story, poem, or an article about genitals, writing is writing, and at least you're being (somewhat) productive.
Soaking a Brain Cigar Tip #7: Do Something Else
If you've tried all of these things and somehow are still maniacally staring at a blank page, get the fuck up and do something completely different. Sometimes you just need to unplug and relax. Try doing something that you've never done before, like this one time I had writer's block so bad that I went for a jog. It didn't really fix my writer's block, but I learned that I hate jogging. But it dislodged the idea that if I write outside, I can smoke at the same time, thus eliminating smoke breaks, so yay!
In any case, taking a break from furiously willing words to appear on your screen (or paper, some people actually still use paper) might recharge your batteries enough to give your ideas a fresh start.
In Conclusion...
I hope these ideas help. Or at least, if they don't, that you were entertained by them. I know I was. In case you didn't know, I love shit synonyms.
24.5.13
I Just Remembered I Have A Date Square In My Purse
Seriously, you guys, I am so excited.
Shut up, I've been up since 4:30 in the morning. ^_^' Which is probably why I decided to share some thoughts on something likely controversial. Actually, there's no 'likely' about it, it's going to be damned controversial.
I've been reading the Bible. Go ahead and take a moment to process that, I'm going to go have a smoke.
Okay, I'm back.
So, I went to Catholic schools my whole life. My family isn't overly religious, though my grandparents were, thus I'm baptized and communed and confirmed and all of that jazz. I spent up to grade seven taking religious teachings as fact, just another subject in school like history class. When I hit grade seven, I started asking questions, many of which my teachers had no answers to. And I started getting very literal with a lot of the stories in the big ol' book, realizing that there were a lot of loopholes and things that didn't make sense. I was told by my teachers that I just needed to have faith.
Those of you who know me very well know that I have issues with that, to say the least. My parents taught me from birth to have an open mind and explore all possible angles of things, and so they were pretty stoked that I was asking so many questions and trying to figure this whole religion thing out. When I discovered that there were a bunch of them all over the world, it blew my fucking mind. 12 year old me was totally baffled by the fact that the Bible wasn't a textbook.
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| Noms. |
I've been reading the Bible. Go ahead and take a moment to process that, I'm going to go have a smoke.
Okay, I'm back.
So, I went to Catholic schools my whole life. My family isn't overly religious, though my grandparents were, thus I'm baptized and communed and confirmed and all of that jazz. I spent up to grade seven taking religious teachings as fact, just another subject in school like history class. When I hit grade seven, I started asking questions, many of which my teachers had no answers to. And I started getting very literal with a lot of the stories in the big ol' book, realizing that there were a lot of loopholes and things that didn't make sense. I was told by my teachers that I just needed to have faith.
Those of you who know me very well know that I have issues with that, to say the least. My parents taught me from birth to have an open mind and explore all possible angles of things, and so they were pretty stoked that I was asking so many questions and trying to figure this whole religion thing out. When I discovered that there were a bunch of them all over the world, it blew my fucking mind. 12 year old me was totally baffled by the fact that the Bible wasn't a textbook.
Now, at 26, I absolutely love critiquing things and tearing them to shreds. I wanted to start doing it here, where there could be discussion and debates and all of those fun things. One drunken night on the porch there was conversation about the Bible, and how I hadn't read it since grade school. My boyfriend joked about how the whole thing was people 'begetting' people and we had a good laugh about how I should do posts about the different books in the Bible.
Of course, drunken 'har har har I should TOTALLY do that' turned into 'Hmmm.... I could totally do that'. Emerald, the sinister supporter of all of my ridiculous ideas, has agreed to do it with me, switching off as we go through. So for reals guys, I'm gonna be reading the Bible.
Now, with me not being attributed to any religion, I'm going to try to be as completely subjective as possible to this subject. That being said, I will likely have 'what the fuck?!' moments because there are a lot of things in there, like in any book, that don't make a lot of sense to me. That's where you, my lovely audience, comes in. I want your thoughts, every step of the way. And to any of you that are Catholic, or have a good grasp on Catholicism and the Bible, please feel free to step in and add your two cents at any time. Religion interests the shit out of me, and I love learning new things about anything, especially from people's experiences and opinions. So if you feel like I'm taking something wrong, or have answers to the myriad of questions I'm likely going to ask, please step in and take the stage!
So, yeah. I can't set a specific timeframe for frequency of posts, due to work, writing my bitchin' sci-fi epic, and beta-ing, but it's going to be a thing every now and again.
In that case, I'mma finish my date square and make some delicious soup for my poor sick man who is all curled up in bed enjoying World War Z. Because Reflections is awesome, and you should go there.
Until next time!
17.5.13
The Melding Plague
First off: Holy shit I'm over 10,000 views! Thanks so much to everyone that has read, enjoyed, shared and commented on this blog, it means a lot to me. :) I love to blather on and share information, so thank you for supporting my insanity!
Lots of things going on in the Caitlinverse, though one of the most exciting is that VIVID 2 is finally off to external editing! I'm super stoked. I finally managed to finish the ending, which was evading me for so long. I was having a massive internal battle about a few scenes that just didn't seem right, and then everything just clicked into place and I'm really proud of the outcome. Emerald is all over that shit right now, tweaking and fixing and red penning oh my!
Of course that means I've been spending lots of time in photoshop trying to graft the perfect cover. Marissa was kind enough to step into the role of Kharma, and channel her beautifully, and now it's just down to me being OCD about how I want the cover to look. This is the direction I've been heading in:
It's not exactly what I want yet, but I'm heading in the right direction. I want it to be dark, as a contrast to the all white cover of the first one, but I want more hair! Which means I'm going to have to be patient and take a bajillion hours to cut it out better. ^_^' But I'm getting there.
Also, because I can never do anything in a linear or organized fashion, I haven't yet started VIVID 3. It's there, in my head, swirling and percolating and getting ready to be on the page. But it's not quite there yet. I've been burying myself in Alistair Reynolds in the last few weeks, and the dense sci-fi deliciousness has resurfaced an idea I had last year that's been screaming at me to be written.
It started with 50 Shades of Grey. Emerald and I read that drivel of a trilogy (if you're pro-50 Shades, shame on you, please go read this and then come back here and argue with me about it), and then challenged each other to write a realistic modern day romance that empowers women and makes fucking sense. I had a hard time with it, not because I don't know how to think up realistic romance, but because I have a very active imagination and can't help but turn everything into fantasy or sci-fi. Seriously, every idea I had for a present day romance was immediately followed by "and it takes place in a dystopian future where aliens blah blah blah". Or "and then what if the male love interest secretly has supernatural powers that allow him to blah blah blah?". After a few weeks of desperately trying not to have these thoughts, I said 'fuck it' and started formulating a science fiction extravaganza with a romantic subplot, because I realized that that's what I'm interested in and I'd be bored trying to write anything else.
I put that idea in the back of my head to simmer while constantly chewing over VIVID 2, knowing that I needed to focus on one thing at a time otherwise I'd never get anything done. But now that it's spread it's wings to fly free of my scrutiny, I am free to move on to the next project. Which, while being completely immersed in Revelation Space (Alistair Reynolds is one of the greatest science fiction writers of all time, if you're into the genre, you owe it to yourself to check him out), caused my simmering story idea to overflow and make a big mess of my brain-oven. Okay, that analogy got a little out of control. I never claimed I was terribly good at metaphors.
The bottom line is, I'm now working on a currently untitled sci-fi epic that I'm super excited about. It's taking a lot of research, but it's terribly fun, and I'm toying with the idea of releasing it a serial novel once it's finished. I'm loving reading The Boss for free online, and as much as it's horrible to have to wait a week between chapters, it's like having a favourite show on tv that you look forward to. The suspense both makes me angry and excited at the same time, and I'd love to give something like that a shot. Self publishing is cool and everything, but I feel like having a free serial novel on the internet would be awesome, something for people to follow and talk about every week. And then once it's finished, if people want a printed copy then I can do that later. In any case, let me know your thoughts, readers!
And for those of you that have been asking about the VIVID series, the first one is currently on the Amazon Kindle store, available in Canada only. If you don't have a Kindle, you can get the free app on your computer or phone and buy a copy of the eBook here for $2.99. If you'd like to wait for the VIVID 2 release, I'm going to be making the first one free, so that anyone new to the VIVID-verse can have a taste of it for no cost. Silent Pictures almost feels like a prologue to me anyway, it's fairly short.
On a completely unrelated note, my hair is like mermaid blue-green-teal-turqoise awesomeness right now and I can't even contain my excitement. I generally suck at taking good selfies, but this has gotta be done!
That is all.
Lots of things going on in the Caitlinverse, though one of the most exciting is that VIVID 2 is finally off to external editing! I'm super stoked. I finally managed to finish the ending, which was evading me for so long. I was having a massive internal battle about a few scenes that just didn't seem right, and then everything just clicked into place and I'm really proud of the outcome. Emerald is all over that shit right now, tweaking and fixing and red penning oh my!
Of course that means I've been spending lots of time in photoshop trying to graft the perfect cover. Marissa was kind enough to step into the role of Kharma, and channel her beautifully, and now it's just down to me being OCD about how I want the cover to look. This is the direction I've been heading in:
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| She's staring into your SOUL, yo! |
Also, because I can never do anything in a linear or organized fashion, I haven't yet started VIVID 3. It's there, in my head, swirling and percolating and getting ready to be on the page. But it's not quite there yet. I've been burying myself in Alistair Reynolds in the last few weeks, and the dense sci-fi deliciousness has resurfaced an idea I had last year that's been screaming at me to be written.
It started with 50 Shades of Grey. Emerald and I read that drivel of a trilogy (if you're pro-50 Shades, shame on you, please go read this and then come back here and argue with me about it), and then challenged each other to write a realistic modern day romance that empowers women and makes fucking sense. I had a hard time with it, not because I don't know how to think up realistic romance, but because I have a very active imagination and can't help but turn everything into fantasy or sci-fi. Seriously, every idea I had for a present day romance was immediately followed by "and it takes place in a dystopian future where aliens blah blah blah". Or "and then what if the male love interest secretly has supernatural powers that allow him to blah blah blah?". After a few weeks of desperately trying not to have these thoughts, I said 'fuck it' and started formulating a science fiction extravaganza with a romantic subplot, because I realized that that's what I'm interested in and I'd be bored trying to write anything else.
I put that idea in the back of my head to simmer while constantly chewing over VIVID 2, knowing that I needed to focus on one thing at a time otherwise I'd never get anything done. But now that it's spread it's wings to fly free of my scrutiny, I am free to move on to the next project. Which, while being completely immersed in Revelation Space (Alistair Reynolds is one of the greatest science fiction writers of all time, if you're into the genre, you owe it to yourself to check him out), caused my simmering story idea to overflow and make a big mess of my brain-oven. Okay, that analogy got a little out of control. I never claimed I was terribly good at metaphors.
The bottom line is, I'm now working on a currently untitled sci-fi epic that I'm super excited about. It's taking a lot of research, but it's terribly fun, and I'm toying with the idea of releasing it a serial novel once it's finished. I'm loving reading The Boss for free online, and as much as it's horrible to have to wait a week between chapters, it's like having a favourite show on tv that you look forward to. The suspense both makes me angry and excited at the same time, and I'd love to give something like that a shot. Self publishing is cool and everything, but I feel like having a free serial novel on the internet would be awesome, something for people to follow and talk about every week. And then once it's finished, if people want a printed copy then I can do that later. In any case, let me know your thoughts, readers!
And for those of you that have been asking about the VIVID series, the first one is currently on the Amazon Kindle store, available in Canada only. If you don't have a Kindle, you can get the free app on your computer or phone and buy a copy of the eBook here for $2.99. If you'd like to wait for the VIVID 2 release, I'm going to be making the first one free, so that anyone new to the VIVID-verse can have a taste of it for no cost. Silent Pictures almost feels like a prologue to me anyway, it's fairly short.
On a completely unrelated note, my hair is like mermaid blue-green-teal-turqoise awesomeness right now and I can't even contain my excitement. I generally suck at taking good selfies, but this has gotta be done!
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| For 49 cents more, try the supersize, bitches. |
19.4.13
Real Men Don't Rape
It has recently been brought to my attention that this exists:
This is a protest against rape culture and victim-blaming. And I am behind it 100%. It started in Toronto in 2011, where a cop publicly said that women should avoid 'dressing like sluts' so that they wouldn't get raped. Naturally, this caused an uproar, and thus, SlutWalk was born. Heather Jarvis of Toronto started the movement in order to reclaim the word 'slut' and show the world that women (and men) should be able to dress however they want without fear of being raped.
I've never really been one to get involved in stuff like this. I read a lot about protests and causes, and while the causes may be good I find a lot of protests and events like this come across the wrong way. This one, however, is extremely eloquent, and to the point. Also the name SlutWalk has caused such a stir and has gotten so many people talking about it, it's the perfect setup. Since 2011, SlutWalks have been held all over the world, from 40 cities in Brazil, to India, even Jerusalem.
Since I've joined the SlutWalk Guelph group on facebook, I've learned about so many cases involving rape where the victims get blamed and the rapists don't get a single day of jail time. The most famous at the moment is the Steubenville case, or closer to home, the Reteah Parsons case, in which a girl was gang raped and then harassed so much by the entire town that she killed herself. What the fuck kind of culture are we that we not only ignore the fact that a young girl was assaulted, but harass her so much that she couldn't even bear to live anymore? Sometimes I'm ashamed to be a human being.
The main point here is that we, as women, should be able to wear and act however we want, and not get raped for it. Lawyers love to bring up victims' sexual history in rape cases, and it always counts against them. "Well, she was a slut, she wanted it." In my experience, sluts are women that enjoy lots of sex with many partners. This sex, however, is consensual. Just like guys go to the bar to pick up a girl, I don't see why girls aren't allowed to go out and pick up a guy. A guy that they say 'yes' to. Women should be able to enjoy sex too. And just because we enjoy sex doesn't mean we want to get raped. It's acceptable for men to like sex, so does that mean they should like being violated sexually? Doesn't make any sense, does it?
A huge phrase to fight rape culture for the past many years is 'no means no'. I disagree with this, because in so many cases, the woman is unconscious or too drugged to say no, and then the rapist's response is 'well, she didn't say no'. This should be changed to 'yes means yes'. If you proposition a woman, or touch her, or hit on her, and you don't hear a yes, don't have sex with her. Very simple. This is what these cases need, instead of wondering whether or not the victim is a slut, what she was doing, and whether or not she said no, the only question should be "Did she say yes?".
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| Seriously. Yes. |
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| www.demotix.com |
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| www.demotix.com Her banner says "My dress code is none of your business" |
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| publicshaming.tumblr.com Really, really ashamed to be the same species as this guy. |
I followed both of these cases in the news, but didn't realize how many more there are just like it. I've done some digging in the past few days, and come up with tons of horrible events. Men and women, of any age, race, religious stature, being assaulted and then shamed for it. What's worse, there's always the ever present "she was asking for it" because of what she was wearing/drinking/looking at/doing/standing/bending. What the fuck ever. Our society is so bent on teaching women how to avoid being raped. Don't leave your drink unattended, don't wear revealing clothes, don't walk home alone in the dark. These things have become so engrained in our heads that we do it without even thinking, you know, safety first. But it's sad that we have to do those things. It's sad that women are taught how to try to protect themselves, and men aren't taught not to rape us.
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| www.workerspower.co.uk |
Now, I am in no way suggesting that all men are rapists. There are men behind this cause that have either been assaulted, or are just as offended by rape culture as women. They're pissed off because society is claiming that men 'just can't help themselves' if a woman dresses or acts a certain way. Seriously? You have absolutely no control over your dick? I know many men in my life that can keep themselves from raping nearby women they're attracted to. It's called self control, common sense, and not being a fucking sociopath. Another theory is that men still view women solely as pleasure objects. If you want an object to stick your dock in, get a fucking fleshlight.
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| www.torontolife.com |
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| feminaeaustralis.files.wordpress.com |
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| cdn.madamenoire.com |
Needless to say, I'm going to the Guelph SlutWalk on Sunday. It's at 1pm downtown Guelph, and I urge anyone that can make it to go. This is an excellent cause, and it's raising awareness in an extremely effective way. Whether woman or man, slut or not, assault victim or a supporter of human rights, everyone is welcome. If you don't have a ride, talk to me, and I can help you figure something out. And if you're not near Guelph, check out this website to find out where there are SlutWalks in your area. Pass it around, promote it, and help raise awareness.
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| www.facebook.com/StopAbuseCampaign |
The more people like us, with common sense, that understand that people are people and not toys, need to speak up and unite. If only one person takes a step back and rethinks their casual attitude towards rape, then this protest is worth it.
14.4.13
The Boss Review - Up To Chapter 10
First off, Jenny Trout is my hero. She's been recapping 50 Shades of Grey, doing a Big Damn Buffy Rewatch (which she rips apart even though it's her favourite show), being hilarious, writing novels, making nerdy videos (personal favourite: Drunk of Thrones), and uploading The Boss, a serial novel that I am absolutely addicted to.
The Boss is now officially completed, and she's updated the frequency of the chapters to one a week, on Fridays. This is wonderful news, even though it's still difficult to wait with bated breath and clenched thighs for each instalment.
Yes, ladies (and gents, if you happen to be curious), Sophie Scaife is now totally having sex with Neil, and it's super hot. Like melting your girly bits hot. It's so well written, realistic, and gets you intimately caught in the moment. I wouldn't recommend reading The Boss if you can't have sex (with yourself or someone else) immediately afterwards. Or during. Because you're totally going to want to.
Before I get into the meat (tee hee) of the review, let me just say with absolute certainty: This book is what Fifty Shades should have been. This is exactly what I wanted when I picked up Fifty Shades, and I was sorely disappointed. The Boss almost makes me believe that there is a god, a god that is saying 'Oh damn, my bad, sorry about E.L. James!' and then brings Abigail Barnette into existence to shine the light of proper beautiful moisture-inducing erotica.
Ahem.
I reviewed chapter 1 here, and chapter 2 here, in case you missed those. Now, I'm probably going to say a lot of stuff that might spoil some of the plot. So if you'd like to just take my word for it that this is the sexiest thing ever and you'd rather read this review once you're caught up, click here to read it. Right fucking now. :)
Back? Okay, here goes.
In chapter three, we see Sophie having a backbone, which is nice. She's all ready to face the day, even though she's pretty sure that she's not going to have a job, but she wants to be gracious and ready for it. Also, Holli refers to weed as 'Mr. Cheeba' and it made me laugh so fucking hard. Neil and Sophie have lunch to discuss the fact that they have had a past, and what to do about her job. I find Neil extremely likeable here, as he addresses and genuinely apologizes for his wrongs, and is very up front and to the point about his feelings and what he wants to offer Sophie at the company. He asks for her opinion and and considers her feelings, and even though at first she's not exactly fair to him (though she realizes it and adjusts her attitude, good girl!) it's a great scene between the two.
They also talk about their 'relationship', in which Sophie reacts to in such a believable way that my heart twists reading the scene. She feels like she has feelings for him, even though she barely knows him, and admits to herself that she has feelings for the 'idea' of him, because she's built him up so much in her mind all this time. I love that she can have irrational feelings but keep them in check at the same time. It's something that real women do all the time. (I'm not sure if dudes do this too, but they likely do.) In the heat of the moment, Sophie propositions Neil for a casual relationship, which she instantly innately panics about, and I love the narration here. There's a very entertaining reveal and the chapter ends on a bit of a cliffhanger.
In chapter four, when Sophie gets home from work, she's all jazzed to tell Holli about her day with Neil, but Holli is having an emotional crisis. Sophie, being the awesome friend she is, completely pushes away her own shit to help her friend. Which, to make her feel better, they get stoned and watch Norbit. Awesome friend. :) Of course, Holli berates herself for forgetting to ask Sophie about her day, and gives her some great feedback and advice on her thoughts.
Later, Neil calls to ask Sophie if he can come by to talk, and she does a hilarious panicky tidy-herself-and-the-apartment in the twenty minutes before he arrives. Yes, chicks totally do that. She describes his voice as "like whiskey, deep and comforting, warming my limbs and dizzying my head". Delicious. At the end of this chapter, the tension hits a peak and you want to smash your computer monitor. But don't, because you don't have to wait fifteen days for chapter 5 like I did. ^_^'
In chapter five, Sophie and Neil decide to have a no-strings sex relationship, but he's drunk and she doesn't think (even though she's completely ready to jump him) that she should have sex with him until they can talk sober. This shows some more backbone on her part. They're both open and honest with each other, and she takes the initiative to tell him that their relationship isn't going to start that night.
To which Neil says "what's another twenty-four hours?" in his sexy Giles voice and I'm jumping for joy because they're finally going to have sex.
Chapter six is one of the hottest sex scenes I've ever read in my entire life. And I've read a lot of erotica. If you're just here for sexy times, read chapter six. It's beautifully written, you can picture every detail in glorious HD, and Sophie's inner monologue is priceless. Also the playful way they interact afterwards is so refreshing, the chemistry is so there, and I found myself giddy with glee at the budding romance.
Chapter seven is one of my favourites so far, in which we find out that Neil has a kinky dominant side. He lays it all out for her very simply, and makes sure that she's comfortable with it. Then they play a little 'game', and the heat is on once again. The next day, Holli wakes Sophie up for the gym and they hash out all the details of Sophie's night, which is a fun scene. :) Also Sophie's all deliciously sore from the hot sex the night before. When she gets to work, her and Neil interview a woman (Deja) that will potentially replace Sophie, and she has nothing but nice things to think about her. Sophie even comments to herself about how if life were a competition, she should hate Deja. But she's so perfect and awesome that Sophie flat out tells Neil that Deja should get the job. Yay, secure and confident women!
Oh, and Neil makes Sophie take off her panties for the rest of the day.
In chapter eight, Neil feeds Sophie her lunch while she sits spread legged up on his desk. Then he gives her kinky books for the weekend and a bag of vibrators. "...there is naughty stuff to put on your junk to make it tingle." Seriously, Jenny, the love I have for you.
Sophie is a little down on herself because she thinks that Neil just gave her the other job because they are sleeping together, but Holli comforts her, and tells her that even if she feels that way, she knows that she can do the job really well, so to just do it and prove to herself that she earned it. I love this. Sophie is human, and everyone gets down on themselves from time to time, and it's perfectly believable that she would feel that way in this situation. And Holli's advice is perfect, rational, and rounded out with a hug that makes her friend feel better. Yay, proper female relationships!
Sophie does a lot of self-sexing at home for the weekend, and a few naughty things that are sure to stir up some fun with Neil next week. ;) Also they talk about being safe, so a yay for responsible sexing!
In chapter 9, Sophie starts training Deja to take her job, and she's so great about it that I wanted to give her a standing ovation.
Neil and Sophie have some sexy times in his office, and then she has a complete emotional meltdown. I was super surprised at first, but it's explained very well and makes perfect sense. It's believable that any woman in that situation would probably freak out. Neil is so understanding and feels terrible about it, they talk about it and he gives her the rest of the day off, wanting to talk later after work. He doesn't pressure her into anything.
Deja shows some great colours in the next scene, where Sophie tells her she's not feeling well and she's going home. Deja's curious about Neil and Sophie's private life, and admits her suspicions. When Sophie shoots them down, Deja recovers so adorably, admitting she was 'off-sides' and asking to start over.
That night, there are more apologies, and lots of information about what Neil can offer Sophie sexually. Also, they eat Chinese food, and Sophie pats her 'slightly rounder' stomach after eating and says "I hope you like a woman with a potbelly.". This makes me so happy, and I know my dear readers are probably so sick of seeing me write the word 'believable', but I can't help it. Sophie is such a relatable character, and this scene is one-of-a-kind to me. It's so natural, them sharing some food and her being full and joking about her 'potbelly'. He replies "I like you. Any way I might have you." and it just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. There are no weight insecurities or body type snarkiness in this book, and it makes me happy as a beagle with a poop-cicle.
Chapter ten brings more hot sex. Like spanking and 'yes sir' kind of sex. And Neil's reveal! Tee hee, that rhymes.
All in all, up to this point, I'm severely loving this book. And you should too. Click here to read Abigail Barnette's sexy masterpiece!
Also, if you're into sexy short stories, she's also released Sex, Lies, and Inventions. If you like steampunk, hot sex, and suspense, definitely check this out!
Till next time! ;)
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